John

Alzheimer: Do Ghosts Cry? | home

John

It started as a one page normal text, then John took over. Sorry. You all know that the typist is not the master of the story.

John was slightly confused.

Why was he sitting there, holding a piece of paper in his hand, surrounded by all kind of other people who appeared to be as confused as he was.

He could not understand what he was doing there. In fact he could not remember much.

Was he in the Urgency Ward of some Hospital? Why would he be in the Urgency Ward, he was not hurt anywhere, the others sitting there appeared to be unhurt, but confused.

Well it must have been a road accident after all. He could remember taking off in his SUV after that evening with his friends. They told him that they could call a taxi, but hell, he was not going to come back next day, just to get back his car. It had been quite a memorable party even if Sally refused to come back with him and called a taxi for her and the children. He was not sure, he had a feeling there had been quite a lot of shouting.

He looked around, it was like any ordinary waiting room, people of all age, many of his mature age, plenty of old people, some youngsters, still strange youngsters, just sitting there, as him they had had too many joints.

Could it be that new Police Station they had built last year with its adjoining Court Room ? Well, sure, he should not have driven in the state he was, but he was a very good driver, he knew his limits, he was not like these other idiots speeding on the road and swerving here and there. He remembered suddenly the fun he had had when he decided to drive on the left side of the roads and seeing the on-coming cars swerving here and there and running in total panic into the fields. What a laugh! They should really learn to drive before getting behind a wheel.

Well, it was not too bad, he would be booked, he would be fined, he would ask where his SUV was, drive home and get a good rest. But he did not feel tired, even the programmed headache was not there, he was not really feeling anything, neither good nor bad. Maybe he had found a universal cure for hang over last night?

John was beginning to wonder. That number he had appeared to be rather high, much higher than the number he had in his hand.

That place must be really newly built. They had not installed yet any TV screen, there were no old newspaper all around.

John did not like waiting with other peoples, all that sneezing and coughing, he always got sick next day. He did not even want to think about the body stink around him and the children running here and there, as if all of them were convinced he was there father, for sure, if a kid had an ice cream, he was the one who would be given a wet towel to clean up his trousers from the ice cream disaster.

But here, no sneezing, no coughing, the kids were sitting quietly, they all looked bored yet nobody was bored, they just were sitting. No body smell, there was a smell but a smell of what, he could not quite make it out, some kind of far away flower, some kind of Japanese scent. He noted that he must ask the nurse the name of that scent, he sure could use it in his office, even more if it was an odour killer.

He waited. It must have been quite an evening, he could not remember much. Sure he knew he was john, that he was married, that he had two children, a girl who was 6 months old and a boy who was two months old. Six months, two months, what kind of nonsense was going through his mind, that was not possible. His wife is eighteen year old, he is 22 year old.

Stop, what is he thinking, how could se be 18 and he 22 and have two children? Dreams are really strange, he would try and remember that one and discuss it with his analyst.

He must have waited for a long time, he had seen so many of them going through the Office door, yet he could not feel that he had waited, he had been there for a long time, like one minute.

His number came up, he guessed he had to go that door all the others had gone to, he went inside, everything went back to normal, there was desk, there was an Officer, there was a chair, was he supposed to sit down, he sat down, the attendant did not say anything, it must have been the right thing to do.

John said, “Hello, I am John” then he wanted to say his family name, but there was just nothing he could remember. John had always been terrified of Alzheimer, he had had it in his family, he even carried pills to take him through the anxiety when the fear grew to large. He could not remember his name, concussion, too much to drink, or was he already in Alzheimer as he could not even say how old were his children or whether it was his children or his mother and dad?

The Officer, well he had to call him something, he could not make out whether it was a man or a woman, old or young like himself.

The Officer looked at him:

<< So you are John, yet I look our Data Base and I cannot find any trace of you, would you mind if I ask a few questions to make sure than no mistake has been done?>>

John felt at least at home, that was the usual confusion of these Administrative Offices, they could not even keep a Data Base properly, probably he was listed there as Bohn of Fohn or or even Joon or Jaune, who knew what this incompetent lazy no good Officers could do. So he relaxed and felt ready to answer all questions, even if he was feeling uneasy that he could not remember his family name.

<< Could you please tell me some stories of people who have loved you? >>

What kind of nonsense was that? That Officer was supposed to ask him his name, were he was born, his home address. What kind of nonsense was that about somebody who had loved him? Of course in a weird way it made sense as he could not remember his family name, where he was born, his address, so why not go along with that game. He looked around, feeling convinced now that he was in some kind of TV studio and that millions were laughing themselves sick when seeing his behaviour when he was drugged, possibly hypnotized.

Who had loved him?

His mother had loved him, she had loved him because he was her son. His father had loved him, that he was sure of, he was his son. He remembered his father showing him how to hold the bat, how to throw a curve ball. His father? He was getting confused, was it his father or was it himself showing his son? Until he could sort out this confusion, better give the standard expected answers.

<< my wife, her name is, her name is, well I always call her Hello, are you there, my wife loves me very much, as much as I love her >>

The Officer started looking into his ledgers.

As from here, look at it as a pathway, yours is different from John's, you write your own story, do not focus on the life that is presented here, your life is different, your scales are not made of the same material, only you know in your heart which weights are used on the scales of your life.

<< This is going to help us identify you, as we have very few cases of husbands loving wives and being loved by their wife; could you please be more precise and give some event that we could trace related to your loving your wife and she loving you?>>

Event? What event? She was the most beautiful girl, he was going strong in his business, they really felt that they were made for one another, they wanted to be together, what kind of events was that nosy Officer expecting him to remember? After all they got children they got a house, they had great friends, great vacations, they were faithful to one another, yes, that little business with Jane had nothing to do with love, I mean, look, a man is working hard, he needs a bit of relaxation and fun, he cannot just go to his wife and be silly and have fun, could he?

When that silly business with Jane was over, was he not the kind husband who bought his wife that new SUV with the inbuilt GPS, they would be in the middle of the darkest forest and just by look at the GPS they would know which way to go! She could not see why they would be in the middle of a forest? It was a bit heavy for her. She preferred to use the old car so he came to use the SUV, made him feel quite above all these crawling sedans. Why was his mind meandering in such a way, that Officer wanted him to tell some event, he had to find some event.

<< I always remembered her birthday and she always remembered mine, I always gave her a bottle of French perfume and a Gift Voucher for the mall. And flowers. It may not sound like much, flowers, but it was really difficult, she does not appear to have the same taste as my secretary.>>

<<She would always buy me some nice surprise, one year it would be that new Numeric camera with automatic information storage, the year before we got the Flat TV screen with all around sound, and I knew she was going to have the House totally broad banded as a surprise next time.>>

The officer looked a bit sad, you know our Data base for Love Events does not keep any record of such happenings; could you please give me some hint of something of love so that I could trace your life story?

John was silent. Love? Love, that kind of thing he had always stayed away from, too irrational, too emotive, he could remember his parents and their love. He never wanted that. Love, well he worked, did he not, he did not drink away his salary, he was not on dope, he came back in the evening, he shared the evening meals with his family, he went on vacation with his family, was that not love?

John could not think of anything. He did his job, he was working man, he was a married man he was a father, he took care of his family, was he really supposed to wear a smart suite, grease his hair and dance an enthralling tango with his wife?

The Officer looked up at him, you know your thinking has helped me a lot and I thank you for it, I have been able to trace you in our ledgers, you are indeed John and your are listed in the Data Base for Love. We have many case of true love listed here, for instance it appears that you used to listen to your wife very often, even you appear to have selected not to watch the Super Bowl but go rowing on the lake with your family.

It also says that you always enquire about the health of the mother of the Caretaker of the car wash.

You are even listed, which is really very rare, in the column of Super Love, apparently you defer to your assistants opinions, you listen carefully to your children and their friends, and we have here listed a case where having seen your neighbours kids brake your windscreen, you did not raise hell but just went and had it changed.

But we have a problem, a real problem, possibly you could help us understand it?

John was wondering what kind of problem he was going to raise. He did not feel that he had been guilty of something awful, sure that that business with Jane and Mary had been a bit of a mistake, sure, when he sold his share on a inside tip, it was les that perfect, but who else did anything else? What could that problem be?

<<We have here in the Correspondence Ledger a big void; it would appear that you have never bothered to contact us, could you explain why?>>

Never bothered to contact you? Contact you? About what?

<< Have you not see the sun raise each morning, have you not seen the stars each night, have you not heard the birds during your sleepless nights, have you not felt the touch of the hair of your daughter against your cheek, have you not had a flue and recovered a week later, have you not seen the beauty of women, has your dog never looked at you with loving eyes as you come home?>>

John was perplexed; of course he had had a normal life, what had this to do with him failing to have a correspondence, and a correspondence with whom?

The officer continued:

<< regretfully I see also that our correspondence with you has never been accepted. I see that in your in-box you have never collected the parcels that have been sent to you and that your in-box is so full that you have even clogged the system >>

Collected parcels from his in-box? What parcels, what in-box? What was that Officer speaking of? Was that some kind of Internal Revenue Interview? Had he received tax refunds that he had not collected? His bewilderment must have been visible to the Officer.

<< We see her that in 1990 you were very worried about your son, his leg was hurting, he had a lump, he would have to have a piece of the bone taken out to find out if it could be a cancer. We have here on record that a package of strength and courage to go through this painful and anxiety moment was sent to you, that you never bothered to collect it, that it was your wife who collected it and paid the dues >>

<< We see here that in 1992 you were flying with your family across the Atlantic and that a fire started on the starboard engine. We see that you were as terrified as everybody else and you asked for the courage to go through and that if something was to happen, that it happens to you but your family be spared; We see that your request was accepted, you even got our Super Promotion, the fire was extinguished, you and your family landed safe and well, but that you never returned the “I have received your Gift” voucher”, could you explain why?

John now remembered that awful event. He remembered his words addressed to something, somewhere, something that could not be, something that could not hear, something that could not reply, yet neither could his family die in such an awful death, for himself it was OK, but not for his children, not for his wife, so the words were forming into his being, the words “that it should not happen”.

John felt dizzy. The Official seemed to recede, the Office room was expanding, getting brighter and brighter, he was sitting in the chair holding his waiting ticket, he was falling through the floor

<< Do you hear me, what is Your name?>>

<<Speak to me,, what is your name !>>

<< Open your eyes, what is your name?>>

Johhhhhhnnnn, Joooohhh, Jonnnnnn

<<Do not close your eyes John, speak to me, what is your name?>>

My wife, my wife, children, where, where,…;why,

<<John stay with me, open your eyes, speak to me >>

My wife, I love her, I love her, I love her I jon, John, my wife, wiiifff wy wwww

<<John, wake up, what is your name, speak to me >>

I love them, children, chillll, wiiiii, John, Joooonnnn, love my wife >>

<< He is going, get him out of that car, check that the IV is working, has the defibrillator been charged, John, John,, stay awake, John what is your name >>

The Official looks at him, they sit in front of one another, John is not sure, it is as if the Official is smiling at him, well not really smiling, rather being warm at him.

The ledger is closed, the Official raises, John raises, he hears

Welcome John